wonder

I miss the feeling of being so awestruck and speechless at discovering something new and unfamiliar, of being so wonder-filled at finding out something I never knew before. As a child, there were many moments of paradigm shifts, having your little world expand day in, day out: I didn’t know the world could be so big. I didn’t know it was possible to be this cold. My first time feeling sand. My first time feeling snow. The first time I saw a dog. All those little things you don’t remembering enjoying as a kid, until you see the look of bewilderment and wonder in your baby cousin or nieces and nephews, when they experience the same thing.

Although there are new discoveries and new developments happening every day, the feeling isn’t the same. There are so many things I know about in theory, but haven’t seen in real life; seeing it wouldn’t even bring that much awe. There are so many things that, although they are new, can be understood and pieced together by my existing knowledge. And there are so many things that I wish I didn’t have to constantly rediscover – how malicious and bigoted people can be, and how cruel and unjust the world can be.

Even learning new things in class has become normal and routine. Gone is the amazement, replaced by a mild, 2-second-long feeling of ‘wow. cool.’. Like… finding out atoms weren’t the building blocks of the world. And then finding out that protons and neutrons aren’t the smallest particles. At this rate, I wouldn’t even be surprised if there are things smaller than quarks and electrons. School and life has taught me to be so open-minded and accepting that I barely flinch when discovering something, and even if I do, it lasts for only a good minute or so.

I miss being filled with wonder. I miss discovering new, amazing things that I’ve never been able to comprehend before. I miss being a kid.

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