hit of miss

I was out yesterday browsing for highlighters when the tune of nursery songs hit me. (Don’t ask why nursery CDs are situated in the middle of the stationery section – I don’t know, either.) My eyes didn’t exactly prickle up with tears at the sound of ‘Ten Little Indians’, but I suddenly felt the urge to take it slow and steady, otherwise I’d actually start crying.

There’s no pinpoint reason why; it’s more of a mix of everything. Don’t you feel upset you barely remember the first five years of your life, the times when you were closest to your parents? I could never say this to their faces, but I feel sorry for my parents that my sister and I barely get in any good quality time with them nowadays, and we can’t remember the only times we fully spent with them. It tears my heart apart every time I think about it, all the more now since I’m five months away from going to university.

Don’t you feel disappointed you weren’t as carefree, naive and happy as you were then? Songs like ‘It’s A Small World’ that preach idealistic and near-impossible things like world peace, hope and joy is a horrifying juxtaposition to the injustice we have in reality. Not knowing about things from trivial drama to global crises had me living life in a personal, closed-off bubble where I was perpetually blissful. At the same time, I’m grateful I’m no longer as ignorant, sheltered, unknowing as I was; the world isn’t a perfect place, and I guess learning so is all part of growing up.

Don’t you feel overwhelmed by how fast life is moving? It’s been who knows how many years since you were caged in a tiny cot, content with life while not doing anything; a blink of an eye and here you are today, not-so-content with life while not doing anything. Time flies and a lot of things have changed, but one thing hasn’t: I still have no idea what I’m doing, but it’s getting me through each day; for the most part I’m on the right track, but there are some godawful days that leave me fucking exhausted and overwhelmed with how quickly life is going by.

Don’t you miss your childhood? Because I sure as hell do.

In case you didn’t get it, the title is a pun on ‘hit-or-miss’. I got a hit of nostalgia (miss) yesterday, and it hurt like a bitch.


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